Depressed Joy?

To go with the contradicting title of the previous entry....

I was at Borders again today, with Rachel and Greg. I was determined not to buy anything. But then, I happened to glance over and see a giant volume of Edgar Allan Poe. This delighted me. I figured it would probably be alot of money (this book is huge). But! I picked it up and it was only $5 or so after the discount!! So my life was made and I am extremely happy about this new addition to my library.

I took a picture today of the ice giraffe.

Oh the Joyous Sorrow

Borders declared bankruptcy. This is very sad. On the other hand, I got several new books today for fairly cheap! I got the Screwtape Letters and The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, The Irrisistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne, and a couple others. I'm rather happy about this.

My giraffe sightings have increased. My dad bought me one. Which, if he's reading this, should make him happy. But also very busted. I do love the giraffe he got though. I saw one on a towel today. Aand yesterday was one of my favorites! At the Ice Festival they had a giraffe ice sculpture. I loved it.

BBF got me and Rachel a bunch of stuff for valentine's day. He's amazing. I came out to my car after babysitting at church and there was a dozen white roses, a box of chocolates and a sock monkey on my front seat. I'm drying one of the roses, as I do whenever I get flowers.

Anyway, that's the quick update of randomness.

Me off.

Fear, Faith and Five Really Big Footprints

So the title of this blog really has nothing to do with much that will be in it. It's the name of an episode of a radio drama I used to listen to as a kid called Jungle Jam (ok, so I still listen to it sometimes).

Its been a pretty long week. Started off with my marathon work weekend. I always work pretty much straight through from Saturday evening til Tuesday evening... with a couple short breaks in between shifts/activities. Wednesday I started watching 4 kids while their parents were/are on vacation. Their grandparents have them now. But while I was there, the family dog ended up getting pretty sick and then had to be put to sleep last night. I feel so bad for the kids. I don't really know how they took it because the grandma got them from school yesterday. Which, honestly, is defintiely ok with me.

I also realized I've been believing some lies that I've been telling myself about certain situations. Its kinda a bummer cause I didn't realize I was in denial about it until yesterday. I wish I was still in denial. Lol.

But on the plus side of things. I went to the prayer summit at church last night. It was really good. I don't very often get to be in a service where I walk away feeling refreshed. Part of the reason for this is I am almost always in the nursery (that is not me complaining, I love it there). But last night was just amazing. I got to pray with a lady whom I discovered is in a fairly similar place to me. Especially as far as the Home-longing is concerned.

Can I just say I love sitting in the presence of God. I love it. I've found that it really is where I belong. Its the only place that I fully belong. That's why I can't wait to have His presence literally surrounding me when I get to be with Him. I love when I'm that close how easy it is to talk with Him. To hear Him. I love the assurance of His love and delight.

And on the random side of things, I've seen giraffes in books, when me and one of the kids I was watching were playing a game and  on tv. In alot more places, too. But I can't remember them all. Basic point is; I still see them almost daily.

Also random, I inexplicably have "Somebody to Love" running through my head right now.

And I really want to go skiing.

Me off.

Ps. One more random thought. I'm pretty sure I want "Dear True Love" by Sleeping at Last (lyrics below) sung at my wedding.

Dear True Love, Land or Sea is a Learning Curve

More Sleeping at Last :) I know I say it.. but I do love them. February EP Lyrics below:

Dear True Love
Dear true love
I'm a writer without any words
I'm a story that nobody heard
When I'm without you

I am a voice
I am a voice without any sound
I'm a treasure map that nobody found
When I'm without you

Dear true love
I'm a lantern without any light
I'm a boxer much too afraid to fight
When I'm without you

So with this ring
May you always know one thing
What little that I have to give
I will give it all to you
You're my one true love

I am a memory
I'm a memory bent out of shape
A childhood already bruised with age
When I'm without you

Dear true love
I'm an artist without any paint
I'm the deal that everyone breaks
When I'm without you

I am a whisper
I'm a secret that nobody keeps
I'm a dreamer of someone else's dreams
When I'm without you

Dear true love
I'm a farewell that came all too soon
I'm a hand-me-down that dreams of being new
When I'm without you


Land or Sea
One day we'll wake up and realize
To make any difference one must simply try
Try to use words less than our hands
For change is a direct result of our plans

We've got no stakes in the ground
We've got no anchors tied down
Land or sea, there are no guarantees here, we know
There is nothing but our fears of being free
\
It feels deeper than any ocean floor
Our lungs no longer believe in any shore

So let's dry out our clothes and catch our breath
Our process implies our progress

We've got no stakes in the ground
We've got no anchors tied down
Land or sea, there are no guarantees here, God knows
There is nothing but our fears of being free

Finally, there's a mountain beneath us
But up here our lungs fight against us
Land or sea, there are no guarantees here
God knows there is nothing but our fears


Learning Curve
I had a good dream
We built a home
It was far from perfect
But we made it our own

We lived a good life
We gave and we borrowed
It was far from perfect
But we made it our own

When everything around us changed, we felt okay
No learning curve could ever bend us too far out of shape

When we took one step forward, and five steps behind
We were still more than able to walk a straight line

We had a white picket fence in the front yard
Where our grass was plenty green
Every window in our house
Welcomed in the sun's company

We had hardwood floors and unlocked doors
Our grass was plenty full
Though our bills were only barely met
Our hearts were plenty whole

When everything around us changed, we felt okay
No learning curve could ever bend us too far out of shape
When darkness was the price of light, we weren't afraid
For the time we've spent was more than worth
Any interest that we've paid

We lived a good life, a good life
When my eyes were closed
Though the question marks were all the same
And the burdens never left
We gambled everything we loved
As though there was some kind of safety net

And when my good dream
Came to an end
I woke up more than ready to bend