I have found that I love this website: http://www.survivingtheworld.net/. Below is some of his work. Keep in mind that he is an atheist, so some of his stuff isn't exactly agreeable. But he's pretty weird... ly funny.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Peace that Heals
Stop fighting.
For so long I've been striving to stir myself up towards God; to regain the passion I once had for Him. As this battle has sustained in my life, all that has been accomplished is that I'm weary, battered, bitter and more aware of my failing than ever.
God has probably been telling me to stop fighting for quite a while, but I hadn't been listening. Finally, I hit a point where I could not fight anymore. As the voices around me died down (I'm finding that most of those voices were my own), I heard that quiet voice speaking to my spirit. It told me to stop trying to stir myself up toward passion and fire. That's not what God has for me in this season. But that I need to stir myself up toward peace instead. That my heart is so torn apart and shredded, only peace and quiet communion with God could bring healing.
So I've conceded. Or I'm in the process of conceding, at any rate. It's hard to simply stop contending for everythign that I've been battling over for over a year. But at the same time, it's easier than I would have thought.
Through this breaking, too, I've discovered the release of a creativity in me. Previously inspiration to be creative only came to me in brief spurts. But I've experienced it flowing out of me in new ways lately. It's like untapped depths of me have been unleashed. I've started to draw. And, while I don't claim any of my artwork to be masterpieces, I am at least able to express what is inside me that was once imprisoned by my mind. I've taken thought out of the equation in this area. Especially any thoughts of how things "should" be expressed. There is no "should" in art.
Another area I've seen some (if not small amounts) of growth is in my writing. Words and phrases that, at one point, I would have never thought to employ find their way through my fingers and onto my paper or screen.
You know, it may seem silly, but for a long time I've sought and desired to live up to my name. "Erin" means "peace". "Rebekah" (my middle name), has several meanings; "beauty bestowed upon her; favored by the Lord; to mend; to bind; to tie". As I've talked with God about my desire in this area, the best I can figure the meaning of my name is, "to bind or mend with peace". Since I was a child of about 10 I've wanted to somehow bring peace to people's lives. (A strange desire for a child, I know. But I was a strange child.) This was largely inspired because I knew my what my name meant. As I am growing, I'm realizing that I cannot be an agent of peace for others unless I allow God to work peace into my own life.
The beginning.
Me off.
For so long I've been striving to stir myself up towards God; to regain the passion I once had for Him. As this battle has sustained in my life, all that has been accomplished is that I'm weary, battered, bitter and more aware of my failing than ever.
God has probably been telling me to stop fighting for quite a while, but I hadn't been listening. Finally, I hit a point where I could not fight anymore. As the voices around me died down (I'm finding that most of those voices were my own), I heard that quiet voice speaking to my spirit. It told me to stop trying to stir myself up toward passion and fire. That's not what God has for me in this season. But that I need to stir myself up toward peace instead. That my heart is so torn apart and shredded, only peace and quiet communion with God could bring healing.
So I've conceded. Or I'm in the process of conceding, at any rate. It's hard to simply stop contending for everythign that I've been battling over for over a year. But at the same time, it's easier than I would have thought.
Through this breaking, too, I've discovered the release of a creativity in me. Previously inspiration to be creative only came to me in brief spurts. But I've experienced it flowing out of me in new ways lately. It's like untapped depths of me have been unleashed. I've started to draw. And, while I don't claim any of my artwork to be masterpieces, I am at least able to express what is inside me that was once imprisoned by my mind. I've taken thought out of the equation in this area. Especially any thoughts of how things "should" be expressed. There is no "should" in art.
Another area I've seen some (if not small amounts) of growth is in my writing. Words and phrases that, at one point, I would have never thought to employ find their way through my fingers and onto my paper or screen.
You know, it may seem silly, but for a long time I've sought and desired to live up to my name. "Erin" means "peace". "Rebekah" (my middle name), has several meanings; "beauty bestowed upon her; favored by the Lord; to mend; to bind; to tie". As I've talked with God about my desire in this area, the best I can figure the meaning of my name is, "to bind or mend with peace". Since I was a child of about 10 I've wanted to somehow bring peace to people's lives. (A strange desire for a child, I know. But I was a strange child.) This was largely inspired because I knew my what my name meant. As I am growing, I'm realizing that I cannot be an agent of peace for others unless I allow God to work peace into my own life.
The beginning.
Me off.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Giraffe of the Day
I promise I don't go searching for these things. They just happen to cross my visual path.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Ideally
If the world was how I could choose it to be, one of the things I would do is have Jon Foreman and Sleeping at Last do a concert together in Medina, or I may settle for Cleveland. This would make my life. The end.
Me off.
Me off.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
If you wanna see pictures..
Made a new blog so I can start a portfolio of photographs that I take... Nothing super exciting there as of now. I'll keep building it though.
http://opticalorganphotography.blogspot.com/
Me off.
http://opticalorganphotography.blogspot.com/
Me off.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Brilliant!
Totally found a live giraffe cam! Link below
http://www.petitelapgiraffe.com/
Check it out. Now.
Me off.
PS. Can I say I find it pretty much phenomenal that there are "lap giraffes"? I want one.
Me really off.
Edit: Severe disappointment ensues. Hoax. Shoulda figured. Oh well. Still love the idea of a little giraffe. Still want one. I'm asking God for one when I get to Heaven.
Me off for good.
http://www.petitelapgiraffe.com/
Check it out. Now.
Me off.
PS. Can I say I find it pretty much phenomenal that there are "lap giraffes"? I want one.
Me really off.
Edit: Severe disappointment ensues. Hoax. Shoulda figured. Oh well. Still love the idea of a little giraffe. Still want one. I'm asking God for one when I get to Heaven.
Me off for good.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
And the Rebel Finds Worth
God has been dealing with me.
It began with the realization that I haven't been dealing with my hurts or fears or bitterness because I subconsciously was thinking that my life wasn't going to last very much longer so I might as well stuff it down and just get to Heaven. I'm not entirely sure where this mode of thought came from. Perhaps it is that somewhere in me I didn't want to live much longer. It would be easier to die. Not that I would ever do anything to expedite this occurrence, but still was hoping for its swift arrival. Then came the mindset switch.
Lately it has been made known to my thoughts that I can be fairly obnoxious if I choose to be. And I have been choosing to be so more lately. But I couldn't quite wrap my understanding around the reason I would want to be an irritation to those I love. And it was irritating to me because I recognized it as silly and immature. I often suppressed this urge, but the very fact that it existed in me was enough to trouble me. Thus began the search for the answer to why. From the asking, I discovered that lying in the desire to give people a sub par version of myself was a fear of offering the best of myself to people. This fear sprang primarily from recent events where, after having offered specific people what I saw to be my best, I was then tossed aside as worthless. So, my reasoning subconsciously followed, why should I put the effort in giving my best if its only worth the equivalent of refuse? With the realization of this process in me, I was able to adjust my thinking back to understanding that God is deserving of my best. And the funny part of it is, out of anyone who would have every right to throw even the best of intentions aside as garbage, He has the most. But He, out of everyone, never would.
To quote C. S. Lewis, "He is not proud, He stoops to conquer, He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him, and come to Him because there is 'nothing better' now to be had." (The Problem of Pain) And this expresses my mindset toward Him lately very well.
You see, for the past year or so, I have been intentionally holding back a part of my life because I was afraid that if I gave it to God, He would take it away. He kept asking for it, and I knew if I didn't willingly give it, eventually the fact that His blessing was no longer on this area of my life would mean that it would crumble and be destroyed under my own hand as I tried to sustain it outside of Him. Because anything people do outside of God is to be destroyed. We do not know how to maintain life in any form. Anyway, He would persistently ask for a while. It got to the point where I even started hating the first line of my favorite song, "He is jealous for me". I would say, "God, why are You jealous? Just stop. Please. Let me have this. I love it and it loves me and its mine." It reminds me alot of the story of Princess Amanda and the Dragon from the book "Tales of the Kingdom" (If you haven't read it, do so. The end.)
And eventually He did let me have it. He had repeatedly requested my surrender, and I had denied it. So He allowed the circumstances to fall to my own choosing and for me to experience the consequences of my choice.
When that thing that I clung to purely, openly and thoroughly rejected me, then came the thought process of, "If I'm not even good enough for that, there's no way I'm good enough for God." When I read the Bible I would only feel condemned. I would somehow find all the verses that applied only to the areas in which I was failing and found little to no encouragement or life there. Its interesting how death sees only death, even in life. I finally hit a point recently where I reached my end. I asked God to show me He loved me again, because although somewhere very far down inside I knew He did, I was not experiencing it or living in it. And that's not ok with me.
So I was broken. But life is flowing again as God shows me His love. Primarily through songs, which He often does with me. "You don't have to do a thing, just simply be with Me, and let those things go, cause they can wait another minute, wait, this moment is too sweet, would you please stay here with Me and love Me a little longer" ("A Little Longer" by Brian and Jenn Johnson).
Again, to quote C. S. Lewis, on the operation and purpose of pain, "If the first and lowest operation of pain shatters the illusion that all is well, the second shatters the illusion that what we have, whether good or bad in itself, is our own and enough for us. Everyone has noticed how hard it is to turn our thoughts to God when everything is going well with us. We 'have all we want' is a terrible saying when 'all' does not include God. We find God an interruption. As St Augustine says somewhere, 'God wants to give us something, but cannot, because our hands are full - there's nowhere for Him to put it.' Or as a friend of mine said, 'We regard God as an airman regards his parachute; it's there for emergencies but he hopes he'll never have to use it.' Now God, who has made us, knows what we are and that our happiness lies in Him. Yet we will not seek it in Him as long as he leaves us any other resort where it can even plausibly be looked for. While what we call 'our own life' remains agreeable we will not surrender it to Him. What then can God do in our interests but make 'our own life' less agreeable to us, and take away the plausible source of false happiness? It is just here, where God's providence seems at first to be most cruel, that the Divine humility, the stooping down of the Highest, most deserves praise." (The Problem of Pain)
It began with the realization that I haven't been dealing with my hurts or fears or bitterness because I subconsciously was thinking that my life wasn't going to last very much longer so I might as well stuff it down and just get to Heaven. I'm not entirely sure where this mode of thought came from. Perhaps it is that somewhere in me I didn't want to live much longer. It would be easier to die. Not that I would ever do anything to expedite this occurrence, but still was hoping for its swift arrival. Then came the mindset switch.
Lately it has been made known to my thoughts that I can be fairly obnoxious if I choose to be. And I have been choosing to be so more lately. But I couldn't quite wrap my understanding around the reason I would want to be an irritation to those I love. And it was irritating to me because I recognized it as silly and immature. I often suppressed this urge, but the very fact that it existed in me was enough to trouble me. Thus began the search for the answer to why. From the asking, I discovered that lying in the desire to give people a sub par version of myself was a fear of offering the best of myself to people. This fear sprang primarily from recent events where, after having offered specific people what I saw to be my best, I was then tossed aside as worthless. So, my reasoning subconsciously followed, why should I put the effort in giving my best if its only worth the equivalent of refuse? With the realization of this process in me, I was able to adjust my thinking back to understanding that God is deserving of my best. And the funny part of it is, out of anyone who would have every right to throw even the best of intentions aside as garbage, He has the most. But He, out of everyone, never would.
To quote C. S. Lewis, "He is not proud, He stoops to conquer, He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him, and come to Him because there is 'nothing better' now to be had." (The Problem of Pain) And this expresses my mindset toward Him lately very well.
You see, for the past year or so, I have been intentionally holding back a part of my life because I was afraid that if I gave it to God, He would take it away. He kept asking for it, and I knew if I didn't willingly give it, eventually the fact that His blessing was no longer on this area of my life would mean that it would crumble and be destroyed under my own hand as I tried to sustain it outside of Him. Because anything people do outside of God is to be destroyed. We do not know how to maintain life in any form. Anyway, He would persistently ask for a while. It got to the point where I even started hating the first line of my favorite song, "He is jealous for me". I would say, "God, why are You jealous? Just stop. Please. Let me have this. I love it and it loves me and its mine." It reminds me alot of the story of Princess Amanda and the Dragon from the book "Tales of the Kingdom" (If you haven't read it, do so. The end.)
And eventually He did let me have it. He had repeatedly requested my surrender, and I had denied it. So He allowed the circumstances to fall to my own choosing and for me to experience the consequences of my choice.
When that thing that I clung to purely, openly and thoroughly rejected me, then came the thought process of, "If I'm not even good enough for that, there's no way I'm good enough for God." When I read the Bible I would only feel condemned. I would somehow find all the verses that applied only to the areas in which I was failing and found little to no encouragement or life there. Its interesting how death sees only death, even in life. I finally hit a point recently where I reached my end. I asked God to show me He loved me again, because although somewhere very far down inside I knew He did, I was not experiencing it or living in it. And that's not ok with me.
So I was broken. But life is flowing again as God shows me His love. Primarily through songs, which He often does with me. "You don't have to do a thing, just simply be with Me, and let those things go, cause they can wait another minute, wait, this moment is too sweet, would you please stay here with Me and love Me a little longer" ("A Little Longer" by Brian and Jenn Johnson).
Again, to quote C. S. Lewis, on the operation and purpose of pain, "If the first and lowest operation of pain shatters the illusion that all is well, the second shatters the illusion that what we have, whether good or bad in itself, is our own and enough for us. Everyone has noticed how hard it is to turn our thoughts to God when everything is going well with us. We 'have all we want' is a terrible saying when 'all' does not include God. We find God an interruption. As St Augustine says somewhere, 'God wants to give us something, but cannot, because our hands are full - there's nowhere for Him to put it.' Or as a friend of mine said, 'We regard God as an airman regards his parachute; it's there for emergencies but he hopes he'll never have to use it.' Now God, who has made us, knows what we are and that our happiness lies in Him. Yet we will not seek it in Him as long as he leaves us any other resort where it can even plausibly be looked for. While what we call 'our own life' remains agreeable we will not surrender it to Him. What then can God do in our interests but make 'our own life' less agreeable to us, and take away the plausible source of false happiness? It is just here, where God's providence seems at first to be most cruel, that the Divine humility, the stooping down of the Highest, most deserves praise." (The Problem of Pain)
Monday, April 4, 2011
Washington DC: Through my optical organs
First pic taken, I don't really know where its at. Actually, I'm not sure where most of the stuff I took pictures of is actually located. This is definitely my favorite one that I got though.
This is a Metro station. It was our primary mode of transportation sans walking.
A statue of George Washington deemed inappropriate and riske by higher authorities because of his half nakedness.
The Washington Monument. Light vs. Dark. I love it. Lol. This is also one of my favorite pics.
Flowers!!
A castle museum. I'm not 100% sure what its called, but it was cool.
The Captiol building. We weren't actually this close to it, I just edited it cause it was super far away otherwise.
Lincoln Memorial. Woot.
World War II MemorialThe last couple are just random pics of the city that I liked...
Sunday, April 3, 2011
In the Meantime, Tethered Intermission
Yearbook April EP from Sleeping at Last! Woota. Just got back from W. DC. Will post more on that later
Tethered
We were married by the ocean
We were tethered by the sea
We tied strings around our fingers
To remember our ideals
I'll be brave when you are frightened
You'll be strong when I am weak in the knees
I'll be calm when you have had enough of these washing waves
You'll be the oxygen I need
We'll take turns to untangle the knots
Though our hands may be tied
It's all a part of the plot
Cat's cradle etiquette, we oblige
As we learn to unlace for the rest of our lives
You'll be balance when I waver
I'll be warmth when you are shivering cold
You'll be patience when I've had enough of this waiting game
I'll be the anchor cast below
Intermission
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
My mind is full but I can't speak
Among the dust of the hard-to-reach, I'm stuck
Right here somewhere between side a and side b
I could call it a compromise
Or just an intermission
Some kind of consolation prize
For the race I never finished
I want to turn these tired gears
I want to feel the follow-through
Some kind of equilibrium
Something to set my watch to
I'm here somewhere in between
Victory and a white flag
Caught in this purgatory dream, I'm stuck
But I want to set the record straight
I want to retrace my every step
If I could just rewind all the tapes
Then maybe I'd find my loose thread
In the Meantime
Maybe there's no answer here
At least one we're ready to hear
No string of words will satisfy
No simple equation to edify you
Here, in the meantime
May questioning nurture life
Fear is illogical math
An impractical skill to have
Still we talk of our future til we have no voice
We'll try to outsmart it with noise
But here in the meantime
May the unknown harvest life
We're conditioned to mourn our empty glass
Long before it ever poured out our past
Though patience is always short in supply
We'll leave our farsighted worries behind
Here in the meantime
In the gospel of nearsight
May we learn to live a nourished life
Tethered
We were married by the ocean
We were tethered by the sea
We tied strings around our fingers
To remember our ideals
I'll be brave when you are frightened
You'll be strong when I am weak in the knees
I'll be calm when you have had enough of these washing waves
You'll be the oxygen I need
We'll take turns to untangle the knots
Though our hands may be tied
It's all a part of the plot
Cat's cradle etiquette, we oblige
As we learn to unlace for the rest of our lives
You'll be balance when I waver
I'll be warmth when you are shivering cold
You'll be patience when I've had enough of this waiting game
I'll be the anchor cast below
Intermission
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
My mind is full but I can't speak
Among the dust of the hard-to-reach, I'm stuck
Right here somewhere between side a and side b
I could call it a compromise
Or just an intermission
Some kind of consolation prize
For the race I never finished
I want to turn these tired gears
I want to feel the follow-through
Some kind of equilibrium
Something to set my watch to
I'm here somewhere in between
Victory and a white flag
Caught in this purgatory dream, I'm stuck
But I want to set the record straight
I want to retrace my every step
If I could just rewind all the tapes
Then maybe I'd find my loose thread
In the Meantime
Maybe there's no answer here
At least one we're ready to hear
No string of words will satisfy
No simple equation to edify you
Here, in the meantime
May questioning nurture life
Fear is illogical math
An impractical skill to have
Still we talk of our future til we have no voice
We'll try to outsmart it with noise
But here in the meantime
May the unknown harvest life
We're conditioned to mourn our empty glass
Long before it ever poured out our past
Though patience is always short in supply
We'll leave our farsighted worries behind
Here in the meantime
In the gospel of nearsight
May we learn to live a nourished life
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