To begin, here's a dialogue from "When Harry Met Sally"
This pondering has entered my brain because of a guy I'm friends with. I'm ok with being his friend and he's ok with being mine (to the best of my knowledge). But for some reason, most of the people who know we're friends have this perception that its going to turn into something more. Or at the very least that one of us will develop feelings for the other.
Not gonna lie, its not like the thought hasn't ever crossed my mind. But mostly I just don't see it happening. I'm not 100% sure where he stands on it all, but I'm assuming since he hasn't really said otherwise, that he's on the same page. So we're friends. The inconvenient part of this all is that he's not really friends with anyone else I am. And he doesn't particularly want to be friends with some of them. Which makes hanging out with other people kind of inconvenient since he doesn't really hang out with anyone besides me.
My brother always has said that "time spent equals intimacy". Obviously he doesn't necessarily mean sexual itimacy. But the more time you spend with someone the closer you get to them. So, this is my ultimate question: Is it possible to have a platonic, intimate friendship with someone of the oppsite sex?
Me off
Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.Sometimes I wonder if this reasoning has some merit to it. In my cynical moments I tend to think that people are hopeless and only want sex. But that's not really what I'm wondering about right now. I'm more wondering if its really possible for a guy and a girl to be friends... Like, for real friends who hang out with each other and are actually investing in each other's lives, with out the whole sex/romance (if it exists) thing getting in the way.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: Guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.
This pondering has entered my brain because of a guy I'm friends with. I'm ok with being his friend and he's ok with being mine (to the best of my knowledge). But for some reason, most of the people who know we're friends have this perception that its going to turn into something more. Or at the very least that one of us will develop feelings for the other.
Not gonna lie, its not like the thought hasn't ever crossed my mind. But mostly I just don't see it happening. I'm not 100% sure where he stands on it all, but I'm assuming since he hasn't really said otherwise, that he's on the same page. So we're friends. The inconvenient part of this all is that he's not really friends with anyone else I am. And he doesn't particularly want to be friends with some of them. Which makes hanging out with other people kind of inconvenient since he doesn't really hang out with anyone besides me.
My brother always has said that "time spent equals intimacy". Obviously he doesn't necessarily mean sexual itimacy. But the more time you spend with someone the closer you get to them. So, this is my ultimate question: Is it possible to have a platonic, intimate friendship with someone of the oppsite sex?
Me off
well... sure.... look at me and and m and b. But then again... m and I did date. But we're still friends. I think there just needs to be a definite boundary line. On the other hand... they're long time and long standing friends. I wouldn't approach a newer guy the way I do them. Never, Actually. Actually.... I don't think there are any good guys out there that aren't already married. Hm... Hey.... still wanna start a 21st century, charismatic, casual nunnery? I'll be the first to take the vows and then you can repeat after me.
ReplyDeleteThere is a great C.S. Lewis quote on this topic from The Four Loves. Unfortunately I can't remember it.
ReplyDeleteI love C.S. Lewis. And that book is definitely on my list of ones I want to read. So :)
ReplyDelete