My best friend recently informed me that I've gone through hell and back this year. Lol. I'm glad she knows this. The sad, unmitigated fact of the matter is, its true. I'm not even fully "back" yet, really. But, as bizarre as it may sound; as much as I never want to do that again (that "never" still doesn't do justice to how much I don't want to go through something like that again), it was and is good. Well, God was and is anyway.
Insecurity. Basically that sums up my life since January. Yes, personal insecurity, but also the lack and falling away of things I've depended on as secure foundations. Friends, family... things I thought I knew that proved to be wrong. This is all things that I've told you before. I wish I could give more detail right now. I really have alot that I kinda just need to release. But I can't. Whether because I'm not sure how to quite explain certain things, or I'm just not allowed to talk about certain things, I can't.
I miss my best friend. So freaking much. My other best friend, not the one mentioned above. I miss our talks. I miss being able to tell him everything. I miss him letting me into his world, too. And I don't completely understand... I'm trying to trust that God has it all in control. And usually this isn't a problem. Because I know that whatever He wants is best. And this is typically ok. Sometimes, like yesterday and a little today, its hard. I was complaining about this to Bethany yesterday and she reminded me that its all "baby steps". Which is true. As long as you don't take 5 steps and decide you've gone far enough and quit. Again, though, God knows every step and way of man. This must be remembered.
Pandora.com was playing music subsequently that fits alot with where I'm at right now. I love music that does that. I've listed below some of the songs that were played, if you click on the ones with links you can see the lyrics.
On a random note. I found baby sock monkeys. I bought one. His name is Xachary Michael Xavier.
Giraffe sightings lately? Nursery, Walmart (it was chubby!), random artwork that I've encountered. They still happen fairly frequently. At least several times a week.
Quote: "Fear is the only true enemy, born of ignorance and the parent of anger and hate." - Edward Albert
Little Wonders by Rob Thomas
Dare You to Move by Switchfoot
Name by GooGoo Dolls
Never Say Never by The Fray
Pictures of You by The Last Goodnight
All I Need is You by Hillsong United
New Day by Robbie Seay Band
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